Despite my relative self-confidence now, it's only a recent development in my adult life. Until around a dozen years ago, it's safe to say that I had real problems with shyness. It was an ongoing concern when I was in a relationship with FA2 as she had lots of friends and family she wanted me to meet, often at large parties, less so with other girlfriends because those didn't last long enough to get into all that. Any time I have to meet new people, especially in larger groups, I can withdraw quite a bit, be quiet, not as forthcoming as when I am comfortable.
You can imagine, then, that going on holiday with thirty-odd strangers just for KfW2's wedding wasn't going to be my idea of a great time. I thought I had done a good job of hiding it, but a day or so into the holiday, KfW2 managed to spare a few minutes and we had a chat. As it happened, I was also trying to get her isolated so I could have a chat because I had my own concerns about her being stressed and not in a terribly good mood.
I pretty much just admitted the truth - the heat was playing its part, but the majority of it was that I was adjusting to the group, trying to get to know them, but at the same time, kind of keeping my distance until I got to know them better as I am useless at remembering names. A lot of the younger segment of the group are a very close bunch of friends that have known each other for well over fifteen years and while everyone was very welcoming, I was still very intimidated by them initially. I've told KfW2 in the past about my almost crippling shyness in my younger days, but I don't know that she believed it... until this conversation. I even expanded on that and confessed that the reason I hadn't gone on the stag weekend was that there were too many strangers to meet at once without any kind of backup. She seemed a little surprised by that revelation, but not angry as I had half-suspected, which helped.
KfW2 admitted herself that she could be like that with new people, though to see her around her guests for the entire week, you'd never guess as her social skills are amazing.
I asked her about the stress. I knew that there had already been times on holiday when she wasn't in very good form and I asked about those too, offering to help where I could in the wedding preparations. She was touched by this and explained that not a lot of people had noticed her bad form. She unburdened a few of her problems and promised me to secrecy (which she knows isn't an issue as I am a difficult man to get information out of at the best of times).
She then made a comment that kinda took me by surprise. She first said that she thought we were very much alike - I don't know if that's strictly true - then followed it up by stating that despite initial impressions, I am really a sensitive soul. Again, I don't know if that's strictly true, but I don't know that I'm a good judge of my own character.
It wasn't a long conversation, probably no more than about an hour, but it's exactly the kind of conversation I hope to have when I try to get KfW2 or QC2 out for a drink, alone. I also feel that it's made us closer and I hope that this can make me be just a little more open with KfW2 about whatever problems have me preoccupied rather than rely on posting here or unloading to USHW. I know that KfW2 values my friendship, though until recently, I was probably guilty of not realising how much, but I think our friendship took another step forward off the back of the conversation and I think she felt the same. Our hug goodbye was just a little tighter and lasted just a little longer than usual.
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